Hmmm, where to start.
As a young or older couple with no children, life seems stressful; especially these days! But you usually have a direction, a goal in life. Whether it's a career, a place to live, a bank balance or bucket list, and everything you do is to get you closer to that goal.
We wanted a few of those things, if not all of those things and me and my husband worked hard to get there. We ticked them off the list one by one and it felt good to feel like we needed to make new goals and hit new targets. We always wanted a child and that was definitely at the top of our list but we needed other things to be in place first, to have that security of a home and income.
Minus a few bumps in the road, we had everything we needed; time to make a family.
Nobody tells you that no matter how much you've saved, or how secure your job is, nothing can prepare you for what comes after that beautiful, traumatic, body transforming pregnancy - Motherhood.
Nobody explains to you that when you birth that child or twins in my case, you are also being reborn into a completely different person. Yes, you still sound the same, and look the same (if you're lucky!) but the inside you has transformed into this worry ridden, protective, hormonal car wreck that is overrun with emotions. I never knew I could feel love, worry, anxiety, anger and frustration all at the same time.
My goals for life had disappeared and my new self didn't care about my appearance to the rest of the world or how good my job was. As long as we were making enough to keep the roof over their heads, put food in their mouths and clothes on their backs, that was good enough for me. I've never been in competition with others, its not my nature, only ever with myself to push myself to do better than the old me. But now there is no competition at all.
My struggles came after the girls turned one, and the autopilot I had been in over the last 12 months had switched off, I was sleeping better, the girls we're having meals and the 'routine' was less demanding. At that point I realised I'd not been looking after myself. Don't get me wrong the girls will ALWAYS come first but in order for me to be the best "Mum", every so often Mum needs to be "ME" for a bit.
Mum will forever be my title and I am so blessed to have that, I've earned that title but every new mum needs to realise that even though your babies needs are your priority, if you don't meet your own needs then you lose that bit of yourself that you need to be a great mum.
Be "me" for an hour whilst the babies sleep and do your nails, wash your hair, give yourself a facial! If you're lucky enough, go out with the girls! its daunting at first but its good for the babies to rely on other people not just "Mum".
I am exceptionally lucky that I have an amazing family willing to take the girls for an hour or a night so that I can be me for a bit. It allows me to recharge my batteries and be an even better mum when I come back.
So, lessons learnt:
-The transition to motherhood is no easy task, that's why only women do it ;)
-Life is stressful, no matter what your position in life, but those bundles of joy will pick you up if you let them.
-We do it because.... I'm not really sure why we do it, I mean talk about the tantrums! I'm sure everyone's reasons are different, but I wanted to complete my family and that is exactly why mine have done; worth every night worrying, crying, stressing and penny pinching.
-It's easy to forget yourself in all those emotions but don't! Even if its only for an hour, put the washing down and pick yourself up!
Now I can be Mum and Me all at the same time.